1.15.2004
Dressed in
Neon Rainbows
Bouncing Singing Dancing
You are not yourself
Lying Shifting Crying
Violent Insecure
Eyes are

My modified diamond poem. Hehe.
Nicky at 3:10 PM

1.10.2004
Alright, I decided to write about stuff. I have a topic all picked out and everything. It's called my best friend and my life right now.

My best friend is Lindsay. I've known her since 4th grade, when I moved here from Georgia. She's was always there for me, and I could tell her anything. She made me alot of who I am today. We used to do everything together, all the time. But lately I feel like I'm neglecting her. It's hard to make time to hang out with everyone, especially when you hardly ever see some of them, and since she goes to stonewall, I almost never get in contact with her. I feel like I've lost touch with her, and even like I can't tell her everything anymore. It doesn't have anything to do with her personality, she's still the same Lindsay I've always known. But it's just different. I'm changing alot, I definetly know that. I feel more outgoing, and happier than I used to be. I went through a phase like, two months ago maybe, in october and then a couple months before that when I really thought I was depressed. I was constantly upset and I felt like everything around me was weighing me down, and I wasn't doing that great in school or with my other responsibilities. I was into alot of darker music and lyrics and stuff, cause they made me feel better I guess. I mean, they were like, about suicide and stuff. I didn't talk to Linds hardly at all then though, and I still feel like i can't talk to her about some things because I don't want to weigh her down with my problems. I think that's the reason. If I talked to her about this in real life, I just wouldn't be able to talk I think. I'd just sit there and look around at stuff and sigh. I'm horrible at dealing with stress. I think it's time for a sleepover. I really miss her, and basically the last two times I've seen her there have been mounds of people around, and I am bad at handling that kind of thing because I want to hang out with everyone, but it's hard to do that and also, they've been shows so it's too loud to talk. And Steve and Nick have been there both times, which means I have even more pressure on me, since it's an uncomfortable situation. I've gotten over the whole liking both of them thing, and it's settled down pretty well I think, but it's still kind of wierd. Also, when Steve is there I kind of feel obligated to have him around because he does this face when I ignore him for a little bit, or he acts like an ass. Those feelings are only temporary though, I still like him alot and he's the coolest guy I know, besides the little personality flaws he has. But that's to be expected, he's only human. I guess I'm done, I'm a l ittle confused at how I write this because I've hit writer's block and I reread it and it's confusing. Oh well. I'm just glad Linds hasn't totally ditched me and that I'm not sad anymore, and that I have lots of people who care for me and that I'm REALLY FUCKING HAPPY ALMOST ALL THE TIMES and Linds I'm sorry I said that word and I love you like nothing else.
Nicky at 1:36 PM

Hey, double you tea eff? The writing space is all little. It annoys me.
Nicky at 1:02 PM

1.05.2004
I luff Steve. And we're gonna get married and have 16 kids or 20 kids. And one is gonna be named Aveda. And one's gonna be Tristian. And no, Kelly, we didn't bang behind the chinn center or at the movies.
Nicky at 4:12 PM

I just realised that I sounded all whiney in like all those entries... And people aren't supposed to read this and they do... I just found this out. Goddamnit. They're all gonna think I'm stupid. MKJrghdfhskrtjhwoirtj. Try pronouncing that one bitches. Oh well. I'm embarassed. That sucks. And I must be really whiney, I never noticed that before. Haha. We had vacation, blah blah blah, and now we go to school again and that sucks but at least I get to see my friends who i neglected over break. That was a fun break, two whole weeks. Yum. My favorite christmas gift was my gumball machine that has small pieces of gum for 25 cents and it only works sometimes. Like never. I like it, cause it's all like a huge luck thing. It's awesome.
Nicky at 3:39 PM